Please don’t let me give birth to you!!

When trying to “accidentally” overhear a conversation happening around you, it’s useful if it’s in your own language. When in Germany this has been reduced to trying not to stare at people whilst I figure out what in Elton John’s wardrobe they’re trying to goddamn say!! Because obviously English is the language and only language worth speaking and all others are merely attempts at achieving its beauty.

The British xenophobia is setting in. I’m not even going to try fighting it.

On the train into London yesterday, I was cursed by being single, and by this I mean having left my iPod at home. Before the eavesdropping idea even occurred to me, a middle aged lady decided that everyone on the train was going to be listening to her, when she uttered into her phone, “How long is he going to get? 6 months? But he only had a few. Well, that and cannabis.” 😐 Bitch is crazy. A lowdown would be that “the victim” could “still walk” but could not “recognise Rory” on the lineup, however the police will recognise him if they saw his face but not if he only talked to them “from behind” but regardless the Judge was taking “the piss” as the court had decided not to take it any further and they were going to “settle it” as everything was “above the standard limit”.

I have to thank her though, as this caused the beautiful man reading a Kindle to then look up at me in confusion. Unfortunately he then looked away, so I think marriage is off the table.

The train back was less eventful, I just ended up next to a girl for whom “made in chelsea” was clearly a goal in life. Thankfully the fake, implanted chick didn’t sit too close to me, as plastic melts when next to something really hot and she would’ve made an awful mess.

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